Monday, December 31, 2012

Looking forward to 2013

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There's nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It's not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we're liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
         - Marianne Williamson

2013 is close aproaching, so before the clock strikes midnight, I'd light to get down a few things I'm hoping to work towards as 2013 marches on. There were a lot of things that happened in 2012, some good, some a bit less good. Some awesome, some not as awesome. But, as most people looking towards 2013, I've got a few, and I hesitate to say it, resolutions. I hesitate because New Years resolutions seem like the kind of things we say we'd like to do because it makes us feel good to do them, but then we never actually get around to doing.
So I guess these are my goals for the coming year. Not New Years resolutions, but the goals I'll be actively working towards as the year marches on. Is it the same thing? Probably. But I like it my way. this is Burger Kind, after all.

  • Keep doing stuff. Keep meeting people, keep participating in things
  • Produce. Make stuff, be it lego, pixel beads, computers, videos, photos. Have something on the go. Then I'll always have something to do when there's nothing to do
  • Talk to girls. It's time, you're ready. Ish. Just get the devil out there and talk to them. If stuff happens, cool. If not, meh. It seems like I've about mastered the 'art' of making friends with women, it's time to move on to the next logical step; find my best friend.
  • Keep climbing. Think seriously about also running. Couch to 5k. Get on that. You're young, start acting like it. (Actually I started the first day of Couch to 5k last week, so step 1 is already done. Just keep at it!) Everyone says the best time to start getting in shape is NOW, no matter what time now is. I already get to the PAC three times a week, let's keep running a part of that.
  • Get your ass to Mars Europe. Do shit. Meet people. Visit your family. Have a goddamn adventure and be assertive for once in your goddamn life. This right now is my number one priority above all else. If I don't do it this year, it's only going to become harder and harder to do. Do it, do it NOW. Get your financial management skills under control, and go to Europe. For the first time in your life you're actually trying to instigate change. Don't lose sight of it.
  • Get your ass to Mars school. Knock it out of the park, and get a job doing what you love and what you're good at. No more procrastinating. Or procrasturbating. This is my top priority after going to Europe and actually experiencing a small part of the world that isn't my own.
That's pretty much all I want to do in the coming year. Keep doing the positive things I'm already doing, meeting people, hopefully meet someone (and actually have the gaul to tell them how I feel and make something of it instead doing what I always do and shun someone who could potentially make you very happy in the way you crave into a friendship that, while you'll always cherish  neither of you may ever be completely satisfied with.) Grow. Some Balls. Take. A. Risk.

So that's what I hope I can make out of 2013. Which mostly  boils down to keep doing the awesome things I'm doing, and push myself to do the awesome things I want to do beyond those. Which, I think, is a pretty good outlook on the future no matter where you are. 

Happy New Years, my friends. And, as always, DFTBA.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

Looking back at 2012

To all the people watching, I can never thank you enough for your kindness to me and I'll think about it for the rest of my life. All I ask of you is one thing: please don't be cynical. I hate cynicism -- it's my least favourite quality and it doesn't lead anywhere. Nobody in life gets exactly what they thought they were going to get. But if you work really hard and you're kind, amazing things will happen.
         - Conan O'Brien

I'd like to say that 2012 will standout as on of the key years that helped define the years that would follow it. I don't know if it will, or won't, but if feels like it might. 2012 started out fairly interestingly. Shortly before Christmas, my first (albeit short) relationship in long than I'd like ended. New Years wasn't exciting. I broke my hand in a fit of frustration as previous events culminated with the shattering of a simple mug that, when filled with tea, reminded me of nothing but my Opa, as nothing else did. Things didn't exactly start off on the highest of notes, and for a few months it didn't seem like they would start looking up.

Then spring came along. Thinking back it's actually hard to keep track of what happened in spring. I started going to Tonight It's Poetry more frequently. D&D became much more regular. Nick popped up for St. Patrick's Day (I think). Things got more social. They were looking up. Will was gearing up to go to China, Steph was gearing up to go to South America. Tony was gearing up to go back to Ontario (even though he was in BC and it wouldn't actually effect how much we hung out). People all around me were DOING things. And it was exciting! Thinking of all my friends going off on adventures! The places they'd go! The people they'd see! The things they'd do! The STORIES they'd tell! I couldn't WAIT for them to go! I even went on a tiny adventure of my own and took the Jeep to Winnipeg to visit Rachel and get my fill of sister hangouts. Later, I made a giant rice crispy square (and it was DELICIOUS).

And as I was becoming more and more excited for everyone around me to start their adventures... They were suddenly gone. All the time I spent helping them get ready to leave, I never actually thought that they would really be leaving, and what I would do without them. With Steph gone, who would spark spontaneous adventure? With Will gone, who would keep on my case to keep me off my own case? To keep my head in the game? Who would do dishes with me in our underwear on webcam for all of Reddit to see?

And all at once I was lost.

All at once I didn't know what I was doing anymore.

All at once I realized I knew exactly what I was doing. I was doing nothing.

I didn't know what to do.